If you were to write a note to God, what would you say?

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Calm in the midst of a storm...

I just came back from my personal conversation with my Creator, my God, my Best Friend...I needed that talk with Him, as this month is quite a dreary one. My feelings revolve around the memories of events in this month of June - the month of my beloved mother's birthday 75 years ago now, as well as her passing on to the next life three years ago today. That's what usually happens around these dates. But if I were to focus on my feelings alone, and let these rule my whole being, I should be very sad, downcast, feeling so low, unwilling to function. But my feelings, though real and needs attention, are just a part of me. I must take control of these and focus instead on what's really going on. If I am just able refocus, redirect my attention from these nagging doubts about the beauty of life and the joy there is in living and see these sad events from the perspective of eternity, then I would be able to wrest control from the otherwise easy path to depression. My Friend is always ready: to lend me an ear, to comfort and lift me up, to reassure me that everything is going to be fine. It would be unwise of me to not be refreshed by this. After all, my Friend has got me covered - all of me: my past, my present and my future. All I need to do is to be still in His mighty but gentle and loving Presence.

I was just sharing my SJS experience with my high school friends in a small group reunion yesterday. They suggested that I also post the picture a friend took of me when I was in the hospital with all the tell-tale signs of SJS in full view. I never thought of doing that. I still hesitate to do that simply because the picture is despicable, to say the least. But, it does depict in no uncertain terms, what SJS is all about. I must admit I do take a look at these pictures whenever I need to remind myself that I should be fearless in the face of any difficulty, trial or pain. I have gone over the edge and have known that:

• absolutely nothing in this life is worth my worry if it would take away my peace.
• nothing today is worth anything unless it leads me to that blissful tomorrow that I would like to reach.
  
• the present moment is all I've got, and it is for me to enjoy in the presence of my God...
  

Why Be Still?

I had a bout with stomach trouble for several days that left me weak and unable to do anything productive. I realized that I could not nurse myself back to health as I am used to doing whenever I am afflicted with such commonplace malaise. And that is because I am not allowed to drink any medicine without the express approval of my doctor. After having gone back to my normal active (rather super active) lifestyle, I am again reminded that life indeed is frail, and my moments may be fleeting...just one mistake of taking the wrong medicine might trigger the onset of SJS once again, and this time it could be fatal. So I had to endure the pain of not being able to be my usual busy self.

But being forced to slow down, I have come to realize, is also a gift. Why? Because it brings my inner self to be in a state of stillness and peace. Nothing happens if I can't move about. The whole world still continues to spin as it used to. No one will miss me if I am absent for a bit. Unlike when I am bustling with activity, feeling productive and useful, I unknowingly miss the world around me, the little things that do bring joy, the small miracles around me wrapped in the most ordinary events, the stuff going on inside of me where there is a whole new world not everyone shares, but only the Eternal God who lives in me. I suddenly realized: Wow, I have been missing a lot...

Franz Schubert - Ave Maria

Ave Maria!
Jungfrau mild,
Erhöre einer Jungfrau Flehen,
Aus diesem Felsen starr und wild
Soll mein Gebet zu dir hin wehen,
Zu dir hin wehen.
Wir schlafen sicher bis zum Morgen,
Ob Menschen noch so grausam sind.
O Jungfrau, sieh der Jungfrau Sorgen,
O Mutter, hör ein bittend Kind!
Ave Maria!

Ave Maria!
Unbefleckt,
Wenn wir auf diesen Fels hinsinken
Zum Schlaf, und uns dein Schutz bedeckt,
Wird weich der harte Fels uns dünken
Du lächelst, Rosendüfte wehen
In dieser dumpfen Felsenkluft.
O Mutter, höre Kindes Flehen,
O Jungfrau, eine Jungfrau ruft!
Ave Maria!

Ave Maria!
Reine Magd,
Der Erde und der Luft Dämonen,
Von deines Auges Huld verjagt,
Sie können hier nicht bei uns wohnen
Wir woll'n uns still dem Schicksal beugen,
Da uns dein heilger Trost anweht;
Der Jungfrau wolle hold dich neigen,
Dem Kind, das für den Vater fleht!
Ave Maria!

English Translation

Ave Maria! Maiden mild!
Listen to a maiden's pleading
from these rocks, stark and wild,
my prayer shall be wafted to thee.
we shall sleep safely till morning,
though men be ever so cruel.
o Maiden, see a maiden's distress,
O Mother, hear a suppliant child.

Ave Maria, undefiled!
When we upon this rock lie down
to slumber, and they protection covers us,
The hard stone will seem soft to us.
If Though smilest, the scent of roses will float
Through this murky cavern,
O Mother, hear a child's petition,
O maiden, 'tis a maid that calls!

Ave Maria, Maiden pure,
the demons of the earth and air,
drien forth by thy gracious glance
cannot stay here with us.
we will camly bow to fate
Since they holy comfort hovers over us;
Mayest though be favourably inclined to the maiden,
To the child that pleads for her father!

Ave Maria Sung by Andrea Boccelli

Franz Schubert's Ave Maria (original German)